{"id":917,"date":"2020-10-23T20:25:23","date_gmt":"2020-10-23T20:25:23","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/inventurecoaching.com\/new-post\/"},"modified":"2020-11-04T19:14:53","modified_gmt":"2020-11-04T19:14:53","slug":"leggo-my-ego","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/inventurecoaching.com\/leggo-my-ego\/","title":{"rendered":"Leggo My Ego"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t
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\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve spent the last month of my life in and out of a wrestling match with my ego, and I\u2019d like to share what I\u2019ve learned.\r\n\r\n\u201cEgo says, \u2018Once everything falls into place, I\u2019ll feel peace.\u2019 Spirit says, \u2018Find your peace, and then everything will fall into place.\u2019\u201d\r\n\r\nI begin with this quote from Marianne Williamson as a window into what I refer to when I say \u201cego.\u201d\r\n\r\nThe ego wants certainty \u2013 it wants to know<\/em>; it\u2019s also what makes you think, \u201cWhat about ME? This part of human nature is not unique to me, to you, or to your crazy uncle.\r\n\r\nI have been experiencing the ego\u2019s sneaky influence and how tempting it can be to speak, act, and think from this place. Even though I wouldn\u2019t consciously choose to think about things that make me feel uneasy, the ego LOVES to do this. It eats this stuff up. Its fuel is fear. Its fuel is worry.\r\n\r\nMy intention with this post is to call out all the ways the ego can get in our way and diminish well being, and quality of life.\r\n\r\nI also write to hopefully help you avoid wasting time and energy on taking things personally, being offended, and wasting time and energy worrying about things you can\u2019t control.\r\n\r\nIn the two specific examples below I share how I\u2019ve faced the ego\u2019s storms and have been able to move through them to find peace.\r\n\r\nI don\u2019t claim to now be immune to the \u201cego pings\u201d I describe. But with a relentless commitment to no longer live at the mercy of my ego, I have come up with a few solutions to share with you, should you ever find yourself feeling something similar.\r\n\r\nAs a side note: I have also not mastered the solutions I offer. But I have been practicing them and can say that it feels SIGNIFICANTLY better to put them into practice than stewing in silence, or saying something that makes the ego feel GREAT but that I later regret. <\/em>\r\n\r\nThese \u201cego pings\u201d are in the context of romantic relationship, which I realize are showing me that I still have things to heal about myself in relationship. To be clear, I am getting to know someone after having been single for about a year and a half.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nEgo ping #1: She hasn\u2019t responded to my WhatsApp message, and it\u2019s been hours.<\/strong> I can see her online and she hasn\u2019t listened to the audio I sent her. Another example: <\/em>she hasn\u2019t acknowledged what I shared in my audio or responded to the question I asked.\r\n\r\nThe disempowering story I tell myself<\/strong>: I must not be important to her. I don\u2019t matter.\r\n\r\nThe ego at play:<\/strong> Because the ego wants confirmation that YOU are the most important, when it sees evidence that appears to suggest otherwise, it seeks to affirm that it\u2019s right.\r\n\r\nIn this example, I\u2019ve witnessed myself thinking, \u201cShe doesn\u2019t care about me\u2026 I\u2019m not a priority in her life.\u201d The leads me to then go looking for all the other evidence I can find to support this – other examples where she put something or someone else before me.\r\n\r\nFor instance – she says she wants to hear my voice, but she hasn\u2019t listened to my audio or called\u2026 she must not actually mean it<\/em>. And on and on the ego will go, if I let it.\r\n\r\nThese are all symptoms of the ego\u2019s sneaky way of looking for proof of distance or disconnection in relationship. I\u2019ve watched it actually say things\u2026 I\u2019ve heard words come out of my mouth that literally create distance between me and someone I love.\r\n\r\nIt\u2019s absolutely fascinating to witness.\r\n\r\nBecause my commitment is to be compassionate and understanding and to not live in a world where I take everything personally, here\u2019s what I\u2019ve found can short-circuit the ego\u2019s evil plan to create disconnection.\r\n\r\nThe solution I apply: <\/strong>The game of \u201cCatch and Release.\u201d\r\n\r\nThis is all about awareness. It\u2019s about witnessing what\u2019s running the show in your own mind. This can seem difficult at first\u2026 tough to discern whether a feeling of disconnection or upset is actually there to tell you something – or whether it\u2019s a pattern from a previous experience or relationship rearing its ugly head.\r\n\r\nCatch and Release<\/strong> works like this: when I experience the ego ping… when my heart starts racing… when I want to say something that I imagine may not be too nice to receive on the other end, I first say to myself: STOP. What\u2019s happening here? Is there something that needs to be said? Or is this me feeling sorry for myself or being needy? Am I making this all about me?\r\n\r\nIt\u2019s about CATCHING the ego in the act. Catching it red-handed looking for evidence of disconnection – and then letting it go. Releasing these disempowering stories and thoughts so that I can focus my energy and attention where I actually want it to go.\r\n\r\nEgo-generated thoughts will hang around as long as you let them, and sometimes even when you let them go, they keep coming back like the fly that keeps buzzing your head. But it\u2019s in this game of Catch and Release where you can gain faculty with RELEASING the thought that distracts and does not serve you or your relationship.\r\n\r\n \r\n\r\nEgo Ping #2: She\u2019s on her cell phone too much \/ I can\u2019t believe she\u2019s texting when we\u2019re trying to have a conversation. <\/strong>\r\n\r\nWhy is this important to me?<\/em> \u00a0<\/strong>Because I believe the gift of presence is the greatest gift that one human being can give to another.\r\n\r\nWhen I give in to the temptation to let my ego respond in the above scenario, I stop the flow of our conversation, sometimes even mid-sentence. In a few cases, if we are walking together, I\u2019ve started walking faster than her so she can see that I\u2019m annoyed.\r\n\r\nIt\u2019s embarrassing to admit, as I don\u2019t think of myself as a passive aggressive guy, but that\u2019s exactly what this ego response is.\r\n\r\nIf you\u2019ve been in a relationship for a while, you\u2019ve probably encountered these scenarios more times than you can count. You likely have a way you deal with this and have had already had a conversation about it with your partner.\r\n\r\nBut as this is in the context of getting to know someone, I am given a choice of the precedent I want to set in this relationship. Do I need her to pay attention to me all the time? Or is there a middle ground that we can find such that we can respect each other in conversation, while also allowing for some flexibility when we\u2019re together?\r\n\r\nThe disempowering story I tell myself:<\/strong> If I were to ask her to stop texting or say, \u201cHey, I was in the middle of sharing something with you… is it essential what you\u2019re doing right now?\u201d She\u2019s gonna think I\u2019m demanding, controlling, or insensitive. Or maybe, great, is this what I have to deal with this guy?<\/em> Why is he so needy?\r\n\r\nThe ego at play:<\/strong> But if it bothers me, and I don\u2019t say anything, resentment builds. And I\u2019m miffed until she says, \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong?\u201d Almost as if I want her to pick up on that I\u2019m upset. This is asinine. Yet I still catch myself wanting to do this. This is 100% ego – fortunately when remembering \u201cCatch and Release\u201d I can be aware of it and choose to either let it go, or address it in conversation.\r\n\r\nThe solution I apply: <\/strong>Ask the question, \u201cAm I making this about me when it doesn\u2019t need to be?\u201d\r\n\r\nWhen I have this ego ping, it is my responsibility<\/em> to\u2026<\/em>\r\n
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  1. a) Not make it all about me (For example, maybe someone related to one of her upcoming meetings is asking her something that has implications on the meeting, and she needs to respond timely)<\/li>\r\n \t
  2. b) Have some compassion since most of us are constantly connected to our phones nowadays, and<\/li>\r\n \t
  3. c) Ask myself: in the big picture of things, am I making this more important than it needs to be? We\u2019re all familiar with the phrase \u201cpick your battles.\u201d<\/li>\r\n<\/ol>\r\nI see this as my responsibility and my opportunity to put this ego-ping reaction in check and thereby alter my pattern response. Yet this isn\u2019t the complete picture.\r\n\r\nIf I don\u2019t communicate with her what works for me in situations like this, and if we don\u2019t have a baseline agreement of sorts for what happens when we spend time together, resentment grows. In other words – a break in the connection, a wedge between us that is the OPPOSITE of what both of us have expressed we are interested in.\r\n\r\nSolution #2: <\/strong>Establish expectations; create a mutual agreement for both of you in scenarios where there is a potential for misunderstandings or upsets.\r\n\r\nYes \u2013 the ego is part of human nature. It\u2019s not going anywhere. But with a commitment to live free of its shackles by catching and releasing it, you can then live in spirit \u2013 which is to say \u2013 your natural state. Free to choose your responses, words, and actions.\r\n\r\nPlease reach out to me if this sparks any questions or comments about the ego or how to work through it.\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    “Catch and Release” works like this: when I experience the ego ping… when my heart starts racing… when I want to say something that I imagine may not be too nice to receive on the other end, I first say to myself: STOP. What\u2019s happening here? Is there something that needs to be said? Or is this me feeling sorry for myself or being needy? Am I making this all about me? It\u2019s about CATCHING the ego in the act. Catching it red-handed looking for evidence of disconnection – and then letting it go. RELEASING these disempowering stories and thoughts so that I can focus my energy and attention where I actually want it to go. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":916,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[11],"tags":[4,14],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/inventurecoaching.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/917"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/inventurecoaching.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/inventurecoaching.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inventurecoaching.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inventurecoaching.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=917"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/inventurecoaching.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/917\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inventurecoaching.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/916"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/inventurecoaching.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=917"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inventurecoaching.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=917"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/inventurecoaching.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=917"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}